Blogging Safely

I just added a page about blogging safely from the Electronic Frontier Foundation (EFF). I have followed those guideline in that I blog using a pseudonym. I would advise anyone who is considering blogging to think carefully about when and how to reveal personally identifiable information. I somethimes wonder if my desire for privacy is excessive and that it may hurt my chances of reaching other OCD sufferers. But the prospect of leaving myself exposed to malevolent people leads me to conclude that discretion is the better part of valor.

Support Group

I would like to start a Twelve Step support group for OCD based on the guidelines articulated by Obsessive Compulsive Anonymous. If you live anywhere within driving distance of Cambridge, NY (a beautiful area northwest of Albany, NY) and are interested in joining the group, please write to occam4sim@gmail.com. Please be aware that while I have been in support groups before, I have never started one. In other words, please bear with me while we go through some growing pains.

Feeling Alone

I’ve been feeling very alone in the past few weeks. Trapped in my cycles of OCD thoughts. If you are reading this blog and experience similar feelings, please send me a message, good, bad or indifferent. I’d like to know if my “bottle” has made it to shore. Thanks.

Love-Hate Relationship With Structure

As I read the posts I did last week my first impulse it to erase them as them are very embarrassing. Embarrassing because they represent some aspects of my daily thinking process. Also embarrassing because I realize how redundant I can be in my writing. Perhaps that is why I am so quiet in relations to others. I’m afraid if I open my mouth the same “stuff” will come out. So, I create this blog to see my “stuff”.

This blog represent “structure” to me. A place where I can account for myself. But, unlike maintaining a personal journal that resides on a protected drive on my computer, this is public. Or, at least it has the possibility of being public. Somewhat like putting a message in a bottle and sending it out into the ocean. Hmmm, I hope I’m not polluting the ocean!

A part of me hates structures. Schedules, timetables, external constraints. Yet, I know that without structure, I would often be paralyzed. Like the proverbial donkey caught equidistant between two bales of hay, not knowing which one to approach and starving to death. So, I must admit that I need external structure.

Speaking of external constraints, another project is calling me. So bye for now, O Great Ocean!

Glossary Created

There, I just created a “page” entitled Glossary of Terms so when I post something fairly arcane I can refer to it. Hmmm, how do I refer to the page? Won’t people reading this (if anyone ever does) see there is a Glossary? Yes, but not everyone will. Ah, decisions, decisions, … this blog is supposed to help me simplify my life, not complicate it! Wait, look at the screen. Look at that little thingy that looks like a chain. The “link” thingy. Wait, wait, … Glossary of Terms. Hey, that worked! But wait! It’s an absolute url! Can I make it a relative? Does it matter? Glossary of Terms. There, it’s relative. Hey, are you gonna publish this? Why does anyone else need to see how IMPERFECT and INEFFICIENT your thought process is? Then again, why am I publishing a BLOG about my OCD STUFF? Is getting persnickety about urls a form of OCD? Hmmm…if it is, and I think it can be, then I guess I should hit the PUBLISH key and leave well enough alone!!

Resisting the Urge

I’m re-reading the first post I made and my OCD “gremlin” is saying “DELETE that post, it’s not good enough. What will other people think? You’re going PUBLIC now!” (Yes, my gremlin can SHOUT at me.) So, here I sit, practicing my first bit of ERP (OOPPS, sorry for the TLA of ERP. ERP stands for Exposure and Response Prevention. OOPPS again, TLA stands for Three Letter Acronym.) Hmmm…Maybe I should have a Glossary of Terms for jargon and TLAs used on this site so I don’t have to spend time annotating my posts and mucking them up even more, increasing my URGE TO DELETE THEM. Hey, I can do that right now. It will give me an opportunity of how to learn how to grok this WordPress blog gizmo and keep my hands from DELETING this IMPERFECT POST! OK, bye for now.

Perfection is the enemy of the Good

This is my first post about something I hate to write about – my OCD. A imperfect post written by an imperfect person in an imperfect world. A person who knows he is imperfect yet still tries, again and again, to make his world safe and, well, “perfect”. Who does not remember a day when he didn’t doubt his own eyes and ears.

So here I sit, staring at a screen wondering who might be reading this. I feel very alone, worrying that no one but me will read this. Yet, I know I’m not alone.